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Old 15th July 2012, 17:19   #1
Chin Music
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Nightmare ODI side

As I'm sure a number of you feel, ODIs are indeed the least stimulating form of the international game at present. They certainly are for me, so with that in mind I would like to select a side where perhaps the players who turn me off the game the most get together to form a side that I'm sure will have many of you changing channels to watch the Jeremy Kyle show, Loose Women or whatever else tends to be on the custard during daytime hours. OK you can scrap the last part but I mean you get my drift.

Alright here we go.

Mohammed Hafeez, he bowls his off spin with a nice action and in tests can indeed get early left handed wickets, but he is one of these openers who doesn't wield a willow with menace. If I was a Pak fan I'd almost be hoping he was back in the pavilion to allow more outlandish players to take the crease. However in this team;-

Ian Bell, don't be fooled by his recent comeback, anyone who has had such problems playing expansive shots through his career to the extent that he has an inferior strike rate to the player directly below him really must be poor to watch. A whole load of constricted 20s and 30 rather than outright fails keeps his average looking semi respectable but the reality has been a typical minor contribution to an England 230 all out down the years.

Jonathan Trott, didn't the heart sink watching him fumble around the crease last week at Old Trafford? It did for me, but at least he and to be fair Bell had the decency to get out to allow the infinitely more precocious Ravi to ease England to victory as the D/L score on a green top threatened to stop England denying Aus a victory in the series.

Jacques Kallis, I couldn't resist putting Kallis below Trott in this line-up to give nearly all of you (yeah, with the noted exception of one!) nightmares in imagining these two batting together. Actually sod nightmares perhaps if you were suffering from insomnia, you might want these two to be at the crease to enable you to doze off. Clearly his team-mates are affected by this phenomenon in tight run chases.

Misbah Ul-Haq, what is worse, him actually at the crease or that his role was pivotal in ensuring India marched on to the final of the last world cup with his horridly out of sorts innings with plenty of time left on the clock. That it meant India went on to victory and ensured yet more hectic schedules of ODI cricket from now until the end of time means he deserves the rancour of us all.

R(n)ohit Sharma, India's version of Ian Bell, the textbook man who deludes people into thinking that he is a classical shot-maker but can be denied the time and space to play such shots by any half way competent international bowlers.

Craig Kieswetter, after generally looking a fish out of water at opener, he now has a sluggish record in trying to clear the field at the end of the innings. I'm sure this will be exploited ruthlessly by opposition away from home.

Irfan Pathan, yet another recent recall for the Indian slow left armer, possibly on the basis that he's less afraid of the short ball when batting compared to his brother, or perhaps that he actually turns the ball more than Ravindra Jadeja?

Jade Dernbach, clearly he is obsessed by watching many of the Indian bowlers and their change of pace long hops that batsmen struggle to time on sub continental pitches and tries to bowl an assortment that slide onto the bat far more nicely in England and indeed Australia where he recently looked rubbish in the Big Bash.

Mo Sami, recently recalled to the Pakistan team and a messageboard favourite, how on earth could I leave him out, short and wide, full and wide, a hokey cokey of odi rubbish.

And lastly yes, my least favourite medium pacer Harbhajan 'Bhaji' Singh, the second quick bowler in this line up, his sliding deliveries don't much look good in the greed is good IPL let alone international level and for that he deserves his spot in this side of leg ends. Have any spots you'd like to quibble, well the floor is yours!

Last edited by Chin Music : 16th July 2012 at 10:59.
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Old 15th July 2012, 17:25   #2
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I'd have just simply said "England" until 9 months ago. Convinced we'll revert to type by the time the next 50 over tournement comes around.
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Old 15th July 2012, 17:30   #3
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I'd have just simply said "England" until 9 months ago. Convinced we'll revert to type by the time the next 50 over tournement comes around.
You know that there have been a few times where not too long after a predictably rubbish world cup, a couple of series victories have England hailed as being on the path to glory. I remember the South Africa ODI series in 2003 and heck even the 2007 home series v an Indian side that got knocked out early in the Windies and suddenly there was a bit of talk about England being on the right path.
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Old 15th July 2012, 18:41   #4
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I believe technically Dermot Reeve hasn't retired and so is available for selection.
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Old 15th July 2012, 22:12   #5
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Harbhajan plays for Essex now, surely the best spinner ever and is getting unfair abuse by fangirls?

Serious lack of India players here...Vinay Kumar?
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Old 15th July 2012, 23:52   #6
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I expected better

Here's my go from recent players - it's tempting to put in really bad players with short careers (you could make an entire team out of England ODI rejects like Jim Troughton or Tim Ambrose), but I've tried to put in those with at least 50 ODIs:

Kamran Akmal - More for his keeping than for his batting, but that can flatter to deceive too

Trott - I'll defend his place to the death, but if we're talking players who cause you to switch the channel, he has to be there

Rahul Dravid - Slow and mediocre. I'm sure no-one will argue with this choice

Mohammed Ashraful - A handful of innings stand out to suggest he's a batsman of real talent - but when all is said and done, he's a huge failure who's played 171 ODIs. Surely a Bangladeshi fan's worst nightmare - every time he walks to the wicket, there's that glimmer of hope. Maybe he'll flash a flamboyant hundred? Maybe this time, it'll be different? But no, he's out in single figures again. Ah well.

Chamara Silva - One of the numerous Sri Lankan batsmen who have tried to provide some substance to their middle order, he's mainly here because of an innings in this run chase. When he came in the required rate was 6.3 - tough but manageable. 15 overs later the RRR had ballooned to 8.5, with Silva on 22 from 55 balls. It was the ultimate smash your head on the TV innings.

James Hopes - The one true Aussie from recent times who could be on this list. A proper bits-and-pieces player, who had some highlights, but plenty of mediocrity in between.

James Anderson (World Cup Edition) - He's had his up and downs in both Tests and ODIs, but when it comes to World Cups he seems to plumb the depths. Funny, the World Cup we dropped him for (T20), we won the tournament.....

Mo Sami - It's his Test stats which are epic, he actually has good ODI figures....his last match not helping that though, when Angelo Mathews destroyed him at the death.

Sorry I've only got eight, it's late and I'm struggling for many more real candidates from recent players. I'm sure someone could put together an excellent All-Time ODI Nightmare XI.
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Old 16th July 2012, 08:31   #7
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Some fine efforts there Rey, especially with Kakmal, though the reasons for picking the batsmen, apart from leaving the rod/crab bait out in certain instances was to ensure like Dravid, they tended to bat for a fair while without getting out. Dravid didn't get on my list, because apart from being spuriously recalled for a golden handshake goodbye last autumn over here, he hadn't played for years. Trott and Kallis, in particular had to get in ahead of him!

Ashraful play over 170 ODIs, just wow!
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Old 16th July 2012, 14:01   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geoff_boycotts_grandmother View Post
I believe technically Dermot Reeve hasn't retired and so is available for selection.
Quote:
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I expected better

(you could make an entire team out of England ODI rejects like Jim Troughton or Tim Ambrose), but I've tried to put in those with at least 50 ODIs:

.
So to add to
Bell
Trott
Troughton
Reeve
Ambrose

we can have:
Alex Loudon, he of the 40mph doosra and more latterly of Pippa Middleton fame.
Gladstone Small (remember his ineffectual medium pace with Russell stood up to the stumps).
Neil Smith, most famous for throwing up at the crease in the 1996 world cup.
Ashley Giles, to do the job that Harbhajan would otherwise do as the dart chucker along with Neil Smith.
Chris Woakes for his predictable 78 mph length balls.

oh and just for the piece de resistance I will pick the most overrated one day batsmen of recent times, ladies and gentlemen I give you
Nick Knight!

Pick that one out for a side that you will automatically hate!
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Old 16th July 2012, 14:30   #9
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Alex is back with Pippa now I think.

Clarke for Knight - Nick can then commentate to make the whole day perfect
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Old 16th July 2012, 14:35   #10
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Alex is back with Pippa now I think.

Clarke for Knight - Nick can then commentate to make the whole day perfect
A fair enough change! I thought you might like that XI!
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Old 16th July 2012, 15:12   #11
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Its just a travesty that Munton never played an ODI
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Old 16th July 2012, 15:14   #12
Chin Music
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Its just a travesty that Munton never played an ODI
Yes, one name less for me to factor in when I decide to choose such similar sides.
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Old 16th July 2012, 18:12   #13
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Its just a travesty that Munton never played an ODI
Off topic slightly but I faced Munton's son last season. He was ***** as well.
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Old 16th July 2012, 18:21   #14
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Off topic slightly but I faced Munton's son last season. He was ***** as well.


Was he big? Cos Tim is the size of a house - and Im talking barn conversion here
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Old 16th July 2012, 18:28   #15
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Was he big? Cos Tim is the size of a house - and Im talking barn conversion here
Yeah a big unit of a lad. Had a 30yd run up. I was a tad concerned, only because I couldn't see him all that way away.

Swung it in at a decent pace but for all the effort it wasn't worth it. No change up, no away movement, no agression. They took him off after 5/6 overs, think he was knackered.

Reason I remember him I got a few that day. I'll find the scorecard.
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Old 16th July 2012, 18:34   #16
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Yeah a big unit of a lad. Had a 30yd run up. I was a tad concerned, only because I couldn't see him all that way away.

Swung it in at a decent pace but for all the effort it wasn't worth it. No change up, no away movement, no agression. They took him off after 5/6 overs, think he was knackered.

Reason I remember him I got a few that day. I'll find the scorecard.
If he's anything like his father I'd imagine you wouldn't have to worry about seeing him all that way away, as you could hear the footsteps coming a mile off.

Whispering death he wasn't.
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Old 16th July 2012, 19:07   #17
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Ah, I had the wrong year. Faced him in 2009 and they stuffed us, he got good figures. We stuffed them the last few years. He didn't get me out though looking at it...... We did lose off the second to last ball though.

Bugger....

Anyway, sorry. Back to topic.
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Old 26th July 2012, 10:28   #18
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Vaughan was crap for ages when he was captain...
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Old 8th May 2019, 09:09   #19
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A few years since I did this one. As we are getting close to a World Cup I'm going to pick my England nightmare XI. There are plenty you can pick who were regulars until a few years ago and one or two who keep their place from my original team. So sad that when I originally did it, I was utterly bound to get a bite from the great legend of 247 . A bit of a qualification is that these players aren't ones who only played a few games here and there.

A Cook - It was a shame his tenure in the side wasn't terminated a good few months before it was as in the last couple of years he stunk in ODIs.

IR Bell - Of course there were many a pretty little fifty where he got there at quite a quick lick. But when the field went out and the pace was taken off the ball, he would slow up fatally - both for him and the rest of the team. 4 tons in 160 odd games said it all.

IJL Trott - In another era he would have been fantastic. The 1890s.

MP Vaughan - An average of 27 and an s/r in the 60s. He pwns this.

Ravi Bopara - It gives me no pleasure, no pleasure at all to pick Ravi for this team but with 120 ODIs and an s/r of 77 and only 1 ton he is an utter shoe in. Only a notch below Vaughan.

David Capel - the most distant of the players (in terms of when they played to get a slot). There were loads of so-called all-rounders who got a gig in the late 80s to early 90s in an attempt to think of a life after Botham. Many really were really short of the mark, such as Pringle and Phil Newport. At least both had some success with the ball at different times in different international formats. Capel had little success with either bat or ball. A bowling average of 47 over 23 games gets him in.

Moeen Ali - I needed a mediocre spin bowler to finish the list. Sir Virgs will argue that he does an ok job in terms of e/r (you have a point). Sir Virgs will also argue that he is capable of quick runs (again you have a point although is recent record is less promising). However a bowling average of 47 in England sides that struggle to take wickets is a bit of an indictment I think.

Paul Nixon - pretty much only played international cricket because Jones and Read were utterly un-selectable after the 2006/7 Ashes tour. He wasn't completely terrible and made more sense than the dumb-headed idea of Jones being a new ball thrasher but he was still rank.

TT Bresnan - Some of you might think it harsh that he gets in this team. However it was the fact that he, like Cook, kept getting a gig for a couple of years from 2012 onwards when it was clear that the intensity of bowling in international cricket was too much for him. Near the end, you could see him straining every sinew, but the problem was that the way the ball came out of the hand would be impressive if he was deliberately taking pace off the ball - he wasn't and the ball usually came off the bat a good deal quicker too.

Chris Jordan - As the Ashes tour of 2013-14 came to a close, CJ was seen as a bit of a new hope as pretty much everyone else was scarred by the experience of the tour and he had a not too bad ODI series. That was pretty much as good as it got though. An e/r of nearly a run a ball and an average of above 35 means he definitely deserves a slot here.

Jade Dernbach - played less than most of these but 24 ODIs and an e/r of nearly 6.4 and he's a shoe-in.

You can go back some while to find worse players who've played a fair bit for England but the above XI will score not that many runs rather slowly and won't take wickets defending them. What would be a par score for this team over 50 overs that wouldn't get knocked off in under 40?
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Old 8th May 2019, 09:25   #20
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I presume the Moeen selection is clickbait. If you can't think of a more rubbish spinner, who couldn't even bat, over the last 20 years, you're not trying very hard.

But I'll challenge your Capel choice with Anthony McGrath. Batting average of 16 (with a strike rate of just 47!!) and bowling 44, he really was the ideal all rounder.
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